I dont like this whole being single thing.....it's so not working for me.
Well it's not the actual being single bit, weirdly I've been asked for my number more times in the last few weeks, maybe I smell of 'eau de single', maybe the sun has gone to their heads, maybe it's because I'm a Londoner.......
I dunno, you go out you meet people, they are sexy as hell and yet......................and yet they are not 'that' person, the one you had so many 'in jokes' with, the one that prompted you to write love letters and poems too, the one you made plans with, the one you said you'd love forever....and they said the same.
So what happens now? You try to get on with things, and most of the time things go well....but.....but you still feel like you are in some kind of limbo, like it's not real and it will all sort itself out in the end.
Which I guess it will..........
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
To Do List…..
I find the number one best way to ensure you get the maximum use of your time is to make lists and plans…Oh hang on….the two most effective ways of utilizing your time it to make lists, plans and strategies…Oh for fuck sake…..
Look just make a list on the back of the envelope, and work your way through it…
So the list for today as follows
Run – Check
..although I cut it short as I was too hot….
Update running log on Fetcheveryone.com – Check
……and had a quick look to see how well or not I was clawing my way up the league…..……I’m kind of in the Newport Pagnell under 11’s 5-a-sides position.
Don’t go into Talk section of ‘Fetch’ though as you’ll never come out – Pending
….yeah, I never quite manage this bit. It was a part of the website that was designed (I think) to exchange info and training tips. I always think I’ll maybe have a quick look just to see if there are any training tips I could pick up…..and find myself two hours later still there and talking about what my score was on the ‘flying helicopter’ game
Call ex-husband re:8 months of missing child support – Pending
……still trying to get the words together that don’t include DIE DIE DIE…….
Clean and tidy kitchen – Check.
….. it’s been said before and it’ll be said again I’m a bit of a Martha Stewart (before the IRS stuff)…er….ok ..Fine! It hasn’t actually been said before most people look at my kitchen, give a nervous giggle and say “hmm, yes, it does need rather a lot of work done on it doesn’t it?”…
Send mates reference off – Pending
….Dear Sir’s why yes Mr X would be perfect for your job, it’s his every dream, he thinks your company is the leader in its field. Him applying to work for you has nothing whatsoever to do with that fact he knows the object of his recent stalking will be working in the same department……
Spend 1 x hour on job-hunt – Pending
…yeah, getting a bit sick of this to tell you the truth. Sick of talking to 4 year old recruitment consultants with whiney voices who tell you you’re over qualified or not quite qualified enough…….
Spend 1x hour working on the garden – Pending
…..I took one look out of the window and thought fuck that for a game of soldiers. Which is, in fact, the same response I’ve had every time I’ve thought about venturing out. My garden is a homage to Jurassic Park, complete with huge flat leaved plants and wild animals roaming around it. There are all these strange rustling noises during the night I think it serves as the ‘precinct’ or it’s the local teenage fox equivalent ‘outside McDonalds’…..
Compose email to now-ex-partner – Pending
…hmm a toughie this. I have spent more time on this than is really necessary today. It has sucked all of the life force out of me (not unlike the relationship did). The last couple of emails from said ex-partner where all pretty vicious and full of blame (all towards me naturally)….and I find myself thinking “Is it really worth it?” “Shall I just remember all the good times, when ex-partner had his health and self respect and was a lot nicer”
Do I point out that in his last spiteful and abusive email he says it’s karma’s fault I cant get a job then 24 hours later he get’s rejected from his first choice Uni? Or does that make me spiteful too? So many many things to cover…or not to cover….so many decisions……
Oooh, hang on…yes, it looks as though it’s cooled down outside maybe I should just nip out and do some work on the garden instead…..
Look just make a list on the back of the envelope, and work your way through it…
So the list for today as follows
Run – Check
..although I cut it short as I was too hot….
Update running log on Fetcheveryone.com – Check
……and had a quick look to see how well or not I was clawing my way up the league…..……I’m kind of in the Newport Pagnell under 11’s 5-a-sides position.
Don’t go into Talk section of ‘Fetch’ though as you’ll never come out – Pending
….yeah, I never quite manage this bit. It was a part of the website that was designed (I think) to exchange info and training tips. I always think I’ll maybe have a quick look just to see if there are any training tips I could pick up…..and find myself two hours later still there and talking about what my score was on the ‘flying helicopter’ game
Call ex-husband re:8 months of missing child support – Pending
……still trying to get the words together that don’t include DIE DIE DIE…….
Clean and tidy kitchen – Check.
….. it’s been said before and it’ll be said again I’m a bit of a Martha Stewart (before the IRS stuff)…er….ok ..Fine! It hasn’t actually been said before most people look at my kitchen, give a nervous giggle and say “hmm, yes, it does need rather a lot of work done on it doesn’t it?”…
Send mates reference off – Pending
….Dear Sir’s why yes Mr X would be perfect for your job, it’s his every dream, he thinks your company is the leader in its field. Him applying to work for you has nothing whatsoever to do with that fact he knows the object of his recent stalking will be working in the same department……
Spend 1 x hour on job-hunt – Pending
…yeah, getting a bit sick of this to tell you the truth. Sick of talking to 4 year old recruitment consultants with whiney voices who tell you you’re over qualified or not quite qualified enough…….
Spend 1x hour working on the garden – Pending
…..I took one look out of the window and thought fuck that for a game of soldiers. Which is, in fact, the same response I’ve had every time I’ve thought about venturing out. My garden is a homage to Jurassic Park, complete with huge flat leaved plants and wild animals roaming around it. There are all these strange rustling noises during the night I think it serves as the ‘precinct’ or it’s the local teenage fox equivalent ‘outside McDonalds’…..
Compose email to now-ex-partner – Pending
…hmm a toughie this. I have spent more time on this than is really necessary today. It has sucked all of the life force out of me (not unlike the relationship did). The last couple of emails from said ex-partner where all pretty vicious and full of blame (all towards me naturally)….and I find myself thinking “Is it really worth it?” “Shall I just remember all the good times, when ex-partner had his health and self respect and was a lot nicer”
Do I point out that in his last spiteful and abusive email he says it’s karma’s fault I cant get a job then 24 hours later he get’s rejected from his first choice Uni? Or does that make me spiteful too? So many many things to cover…or not to cover….so many decisions……
Oooh, hang on…yes, it looks as though it’s cooled down outside maybe I should just nip out and do some work on the garden instead…..
Thursday, July 13, 2006
How do you know
…when a relationship has ended?
It’s easier to spot when you are younger, you know Colin Johnson no longer plays with you in the sandpit; Lilly Peak is now the object of his 3 year old affection and get’s to share his worm collection. Or during Geography Jason Smith in 5c passes a note to Gummy, who passes a note to Tommo, who passes a note to Stacey Hardy to say you’re dumped……
In adulthood you can have The Screaming Match “I hate you!!”, The Talk “Look it’s not you it’s me”, The Adulterer “This isn’t what it looks like”, The Moonlight Flit “The coast is clear, back up the removals van”…….and then there’s, well there’s the I don’t know what you’d call it.
Does it have a title? Perhaps The Superiority Break-up? When Person 1 (let’s call them P1) takes umbrage at everything the other says (P2). P1 then goes into a sulk ignoring P2 for weeks on end will not answer phone, ignores P2’s emails and generally behaves a bullying child. P1 will only begin to resume relations if P2 takes all the blame, P1 will never initiate contact unless coaxed round in the style of trying to get a toddler to take their medicine……
So what do you do? How much should P2 take? How much would anybody take? Does P2 live in hope that P1 will revert back to their normal loving funny caring persona before P1’s illness? Or does P2 cut their losses, deal with the pain and move on?
I’m off to find a sandpit…………….
It’s easier to spot when you are younger, you know Colin Johnson no longer plays with you in the sandpit; Lilly Peak is now the object of his 3 year old affection and get’s to share his worm collection. Or during Geography Jason Smith in 5c passes a note to Gummy, who passes a note to Tommo, who passes a note to Stacey Hardy to say you’re dumped……
In adulthood you can have The Screaming Match “I hate you!!”, The Talk “Look it’s not you it’s me”, The Adulterer “This isn’t what it looks like”, The Moonlight Flit “The coast is clear, back up the removals van”…….and then there’s, well there’s the I don’t know what you’d call it.
Does it have a title? Perhaps The Superiority Break-up? When Person 1 (let’s call them P1) takes umbrage at everything the other says (P2). P1 then goes into a sulk ignoring P2 for weeks on end will not answer phone, ignores P2’s emails and generally behaves a bullying child. P1 will only begin to resume relations if P2 takes all the blame, P1 will never initiate contact unless coaxed round in the style of trying to get a toddler to take their medicine……
So what do you do? How much should P2 take? How much would anybody take? Does P2 live in hope that P1 will revert back to their normal loving funny caring persona before P1’s illness? Or does P2 cut their losses, deal with the pain and move on?
I’m off to find a sandpit…………….
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Think of A Swear Word…..
…..now double it. Add 100, then times it by infinity and you know what?
You are still no closer to the amount of swear words I have said today.
“Got your school bag?”
“Yep”
“Right into the car”
CRUNCH! – That’s was the sound of three of my fingers getting crushed in the front door.
Now go back to the swear word sum at the start of the post, but to complete the image picture grown woman hoping around front garden kicking dustbins over clutching her hand with blood spraying all over the fence
“What have you done mum?”
Mother provides child with death stare, mother drives child to school with blood dripping all over gear stick and steering wheel. Mother returns home, get’s out of car, locks car, goes to front door, realises she has left front door key on the kitchen work surface and is now locked out. Bins receive another good kicking.
Go back to the swearing sum at the start of the post
You are still no closer to the amount of swear words I have said today.
“Got your school bag?”
“Yep”
“Right into the car”
CRUNCH! – That’s was the sound of three of my fingers getting crushed in the front door.
Now go back to the swear word sum at the start of the post, but to complete the image picture grown woman hoping around front garden kicking dustbins over clutching her hand with blood spraying all over the fence
“What have you done mum?”
Mother provides child with death stare, mother drives child to school with blood dripping all over gear stick and steering wheel. Mother returns home, get’s out of car, locks car, goes to front door, realises she has left front door key on the kitchen work surface and is now locked out. Bins receive another good kicking.
Go back to the swearing sum at the start of the post
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Better Than Sheep So I'm Told...............
It was a beautiful day, I decided to do some revision in my badk garden (see - sunbathing with a book and a beer). Phone rings
"What are you doing?"
"I'm laying in my garden. Why?"
"We're filming in Soho could you come up and be interviewd by a Maradona puppet?"
"You on drugs?"
"No! It's for the website. How quickly can you get here?"
I looked down at my golden body lazing in the sunshine bronzed to perfection..........sorry no I looked around at the green peace rescue mission and thought bugger it.
"Give me half and hour, I'll have to cycle"
And cycle I did all the way.......................to the the station (1/4 of a mile...ahem) got off at London Bridge, got into trouble for not having a train ticket, then I cycled in a style that Lance Armstrong would have been proud of. I nipped over the Thames, I raced along Embankment, I darted up the The Strand I weaved in and out of the pedestrians on Charing Cross Road and I arrived in Soho a little 'glowy' for my liking but nevertheless I was there.
"If you could just sit here please Me, we're ready to shoot"
It was fun, the crew were lovely, the director was lovely, there was free beer, I had great fun. The interview went well. Really well. Right up until the point when I said
"No I've never shagged an alpaca. Maybe I will....."
"What are you doing?"
"I'm laying in my garden. Why?"
"We're filming in Soho could you come up and be interviewd by a Maradona puppet?"
"You on drugs?"
"No! It's for the website. How quickly can you get here?"
I looked down at my golden body lazing in the sunshine bronzed to perfection..........sorry no I looked around at the green peace rescue mission and thought bugger it.
"Give me half and hour, I'll have to cycle"
And cycle I did all the way.......................to the the station (1/4 of a mile...ahem) got off at London Bridge, got into trouble for not having a train ticket, then I cycled in a style that Lance Armstrong would have been proud of. I nipped over the Thames, I raced along Embankment, I darted up the The Strand I weaved in and out of the pedestrians on Charing Cross Road and I arrived in Soho a little 'glowy' for my liking but nevertheless I was there.
"If you could just sit here please Me, we're ready to shoot"
It was fun, the crew were lovely, the director was lovely, there was free beer, I had great fun. The interview went well. Really well. Right up until the point when I said
"No I've never shagged an alpaca. Maybe I will....."
Monday, May 22, 2006
Sunday morning is the new Friday night
So what started out last August as a simple and curious ‘I wonder if I can run a 10k’ has, like most progressive illnesses gradually become a much larger part of my life.
I just wanted to see if, you know, I could do it. I had a take it or leave it attitude to it; it was just a bit of fun, it’s not like I was hurting anybody was I? So I finished my first 10k in the October of 2005, came home on a high, wore my medal for days on end, refused to reset my stopwatch as it had my first time on it, blogged every last detail, began every sentence with “when I ran a 10k….”
You get the idea right?
But there was more to come as I discovered the interweb had all these sites dedicated to running, pictures of runners running, forums where you could talk to other runners AND, more importantly, some of these sites listed times and locations of where you could meet up with other runners in person – ‘races’ if you will. No real names where used; people went by names such as ‘Marathon Man’ and ‘Blisters’.
All you needed was a credit card and details of the ‘race’ would be given to you along with a number. I thought I’d try a 5k, then another, then another, then another 10k. At this stage I was only on one a month. You see? Take it or leave it that was my attitude. Like I said, it’s progressive. Then one day on one of the forums, someone asked me if I wanted to meet up with some of them before the ‘race’. What harm could it do? We met up, we ran, we hung out afterwards.
There was a half marathon coming up, was I going to run it? One of them asked, whilst the others looked on expectantly. Am I ready for that? Yeah, why not. No harm in trying things once right? That was 6 weeks ago, I’ve done two since then plus another 10k yesterday.
Since August 2005, when I first came across the details for that first race, I’ve been fitted for proper running trainers, I’ve become the proud owner of a Garmin 301, I’ve learnt to pepper my conversation with things like PB’s, carb loading, half, full and ultra,
….I’ve discovered many uses for Vaseline, I’ve chaffed in bizarre places when I’ve forgotten to use said Vaseline, I picked up clothing from the bedroom floor sniffed it and thought “yeah that’ll do to run in”, gel to me is something with the consistency of snot that will help me run, not something for hair….
……..I chosen to sit in a bath filled only with cold water whilst nearly crying, I’ve seen hill’s and thought “I can take that” I’ve chosen to spend more Sunday morning’s than not over the last few months standing at the crack of dawn shivering with hundreds of other people waiting for someone to sound a fog-horn so I can run around a pre-determined route….that’s 5x5k’s 3x10k’s and two half marathons. For fun.
My name is Me and I’m a regular recreational runner……
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Body like a temple....
....no not a temple of doom, actually.
As I sit here on this sunday afternoon, legs burning, covered in....er.....'glow' I can reflect on the fact that having been up since 6am this morning, and having driven an 85 mile round trip I also managed to pop in a little half marathon.
Yes today I completely my first half
2 hours
38 minutes
13.1 miles
It was fantastic.
To the people of Reading I say thank you, thanks for all the great cheers, thank you to the vaseline women (you dont want to know), thank you to the people outside their house playing 'eye of the tiger' at mile 9, thank you to the toddlers banging wooden spoons on saucepans, thank you to the guy that offered me his beer at mile 10 ( i didn't take it god know I wanted to) and finally thank you to the two women at the start who came up to me and said "which way are we running".
For the record the elite runners (those who finish in silly times like 1 hour 10 etc) start at the front and there are markers along the starting line for your expected finish time. I started at the back (the 2hour plus people) along with all the other mums, grey hairs and fatties...so for those two women to ask which way the race was running.......
...on the plus side at least I didn't get beaten by a one legged man like I did for my last race.
Like I said, my body is a temple.
As I sit here on this sunday afternoon, legs burning, covered in....er.....'glow' I can reflect on the fact that having been up since 6am this morning, and having driven an 85 mile round trip I also managed to pop in a little half marathon.
Yes today I completely my first half
2 hours
38 minutes
13.1 miles
It was fantastic.
To the people of Reading I say thank you, thanks for all the great cheers, thank you to the vaseline women (you dont want to know), thank you to the people outside their house playing 'eye of the tiger' at mile 9, thank you to the toddlers banging wooden spoons on saucepans, thank you to the guy that offered me his beer at mile 10 ( i didn't take it god know I wanted to) and finally thank you to the two women at the start who came up to me and said "which way are we running".
For the record the elite runners (those who finish in silly times like 1 hour 10 etc) start at the front and there are markers along the starting line for your expected finish time. I started at the back (the 2hour plus people) along with all the other mums, grey hairs and fatties...so for those two women to ask which way the race was running.......
...on the plus side at least I didn't get beaten by a one legged man like I did for my last race.
Like I said, my body is a temple.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Martha Stewart
All laundry in the house done?
Check
All washing up done (including objects from bedrooms / bathrooms)?
Check
All plants watered?
Check
All rooms vacuumed?
Check
All rooms polished?
Check
All emails replied to?
Check
All bins emptied?
Check
Has the oven been cleaned?
Check
So basically that's everything in my flat spick and span which means the only thing I have left to do is my goddamn essay.......
hmmm I wonder if any of my neighbours has a dog that needs walking........
Check
All washing up done (including objects from bedrooms / bathrooms)?
Check
All plants watered?
Check
All rooms vacuumed?
Check
All rooms polished?
Check
All emails replied to?
Check
All bins emptied?
Check
Has the oven been cleaned?
Check
So basically that's everything in my flat spick and span which means the only thing I have left to do is my goddamn essay.......
hmmm I wonder if any of my neighbours has a dog that needs walking........
Monday, March 13, 2006
Diet Snickers
..in another one of my competitive moments I entered the London Half Marathon Silverstone http://www.tophalfmarathons.co.uk/ (yes 13.1 miles).
It's ages and ages away, I'll be super fit by then.
It was ages and ages away.......
I'm not super fit...
I think I may cry this sunday when I am at the start line.....
I think I should stay away from my p.c. when drunk......
I think therefore I'm ham......
It's ages and ages away, I'll be super fit by then.
It was ages and ages away.......
I'm not super fit...
I think I may cry this sunday when I am at the start line.....
I think I should stay away from my p.c. when drunk......
I think therefore I'm ham......
Sunday, March 05, 2006
God's Waiting Room
Saturday morning bastard hangover......
8am
"Quick wake up!! There are some men in the garden" - we know we warned you last night they were coming to do some work and asked that you didn't wake us
8.30am
"Is my new duvet in the back of the car?" - Of course you just handed it to me
8.35am
"Have you seen my walking stick?" - it's probably where we hid it because you really dont need it
8.40am
"How long do you think it will take?" - an hour and a half like it always done and always will do
8.41am
"Are you taking the M3 then the M25?" - yes because that is the way we always go
8.45am
"Can I have a cup of tea before we leave?" - am I really likely to say no?
8.46am
"Do you want a cup of tea?" - No, because I have never drunk tea in my life and have no desire to start today
8.47am
"Are you really only having a cigarette for your breakfast?" - Yes, it's part of my balanced diet along with beer and steak
8.50am
"Do you think you'll get back in time to meet your builders?" - yes because I intend to drive at a steady 90mph
8.55am
"I wonder what state my place will be in" - exactly the same as when you left it three weeks ago because you live on your own
9am
"Clare can you help me do my seatbelt up?" - I can but I am not Clare that's the other granddaughter - she's white
9.01am
"I love a good natter" - I know that's why I have turned up Radio 4 for the journey.
I love my grandmother, she can actually be a complete hoot. As my cousin had performed the annual "granny comes to stay" it was only fair that I did the driving her back down to the glorious St Leonards-on-Sea? St Leonards-By-the-Sea? Fog-on-the-tyne?
Let's just call it God's waiting room.
Apart from anything else when she goes I want first dibbs on the elasticated waist beige slacks and the electric wheelchair.
8am
"Quick wake up!! There are some men in the garden" - we know we warned you last night they were coming to do some work and asked that you didn't wake us
8.30am
"Is my new duvet in the back of the car?" - Of course you just handed it to me
8.35am
"Have you seen my walking stick?" - it's probably where we hid it because you really dont need it
8.40am
"How long do you think it will take?" - an hour and a half like it always done and always will do
8.41am
"Are you taking the M3 then the M25?" - yes because that is the way we always go
8.45am
"Can I have a cup of tea before we leave?" - am I really likely to say no?
8.46am
"Do you want a cup of tea?" - No, because I have never drunk tea in my life and have no desire to start today
8.47am
"Are you really only having a cigarette for your breakfast?" - Yes, it's part of my balanced diet along with beer and steak
8.50am
"Do you think you'll get back in time to meet your builders?" - yes because I intend to drive at a steady 90mph
8.55am
"I wonder what state my place will be in" - exactly the same as when you left it three weeks ago because you live on your own
9am
"Clare can you help me do my seatbelt up?" - I can but I am not Clare that's the other granddaughter - she's white
9.01am
"I love a good natter" - I know that's why I have turned up Radio 4 for the journey.
I love my grandmother, she can actually be a complete hoot. As my cousin had performed the annual "granny comes to stay" it was only fair that I did the driving her back down to the glorious St Leonards-on-Sea? St Leonards-By-the-Sea? Fog-on-the-tyne?
Let's just call it God's waiting room.
Apart from anything else when she goes I want first dibbs on the elasticated waist beige slacks and the electric wheelchair.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Hmmmmm...
....lovely.....slurp....hmm....so sweet...
Hmmm...salivating.....so soft........so squishy.......so sugary
Hmmmm......chew....chew....chew....CRUNCH....
What the fuck......
.......spit out piece of tooth and carry on eating toffo's
......class in a glass me..........
Hmmm...salivating.....so soft........so squishy.......so sugary
Hmmmm......chew....chew....chew....CRUNCH....
What the fuck......
.......spit out piece of tooth and carry on eating toffo's
......class in a glass me..........
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
I Got This Email This Morning.......
Rampaging Muslims - a different point of view
We wake up this morning to see video on CNN showing rampaging Muslims
around the world. In Europe, the Middle East, the Pacific Rim ... Muslim Mobs spreading mayhem. It seems that these mighty mad Muslims are rioting and firing their ever-present AK-47s into the air because of cartoons. Yup ... this latest epidemic of Muslim outrage comes to us because some newspapers in Norway and Denmark published some cartoons depicting Mohammed.
Admit it, this turban/bomb thing could be the next big fashion hit on the Muslim street!
Muslim outrage huh. OK .. let's do a little historical review. Just some lowlights:
Muslims fly commercial airliners into buildings in New York City. No Muslim outrage.
Muslim officials block the exit where school girls are trying to escape a burning building because their faces were exposed. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims cut off the heads of three teenaged girls on their way to school in Indonesia. A Christian school. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims murder teachers trying to teach Muslim children in Iraq. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims murder over 80 tourists with car bombs outside cafes and hotels in Egypt. No Muslim outrage.
A Muslim attacks a missionary children's school in India. Kills six. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims slaughter hundreds of children and teachers in Beslan, Russia. Muslims shoot children in the back. No Muslim outrage.
Let's go way back. Muslims kidnap and kill athletes at the Munich Summer Olympics. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims fire rocket-propelled grenades into schools full of children in Israel. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims murder more than 50 commuters in attacks on London subways and busses.
Over 700 are injured. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims massacre dozens of innocents at a Passover Seder. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims murder innocent vacationers in Bali. No Muslim outrage.
Muslim newspapers publish anti-Semitic cartoons. No Muslim outrage
Muslims are involved, on one side or the other, in almost every one of the 125+ shooting wars around the world. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims beat the charred bodies of Western civilians with their shoes, then hang them from a bridge. No Muslim outrage.
Newspapers in Denmark and Norway publish cartoons depicting
Mohammed. Muslims are outraged.
Dead children. Dead tourists. Dead teachers. Dead doctors and nurses.
Death, destruction and mayhem around the world at the hands of Muslims
... no Muslim outrage ... but publish a cartoon depicting Mohammed with a bomb in his turban and all hell breaks loose.
Come on, is this really about cartoons? They're rampaging and burning flags.
They're looking for Europeans to kidnap. They're threatening
innkeepers and generally raising holy Muslim hell not because of any outrage over a cartoon.
They're outraged because it is part of the Islamic jihadist culture to be outraged.
You don't really need a reason. You just need an excuse. Wandering around, destroying property, murdering children, firing guns into the air and feigning outrage over the slightest perceived insult is to a jihadist what tailgating is to a Steeler's fan.
I know and understand that these bloodthirsty murderers do not represent
the majority of the world's Muslims. When, though, do they become outraged? When do they take to the streets to express their outrage at the radicals who are making their religion the object of worldwide hatred and ridicule? Islamic writer Salman Rushdie wrote of these silent Muslims in a New York Times article three years ago. "As their ancient, deeply civilized culture of love, art and philosophical reflection is hijacked by paranoiacs, racists, liars, male supremacists, tyrants, fanatics and violence junkies, why are they not screaming?"
Indeed. Why not?
oooh dunno what came over me then, I went all serious......
We wake up this morning to see video on CNN showing rampaging Muslims
around the world. In Europe, the Middle East, the Pacific Rim ... Muslim Mobs spreading mayhem. It seems that these mighty mad Muslims are rioting and firing their ever-present AK-47s into the air because of cartoons. Yup ... this latest epidemic of Muslim outrage comes to us because some newspapers in Norway and Denmark published some cartoons depicting Mohammed.
Admit it, this turban/bomb thing could be the next big fashion hit on the Muslim street!
Muslim outrage huh. OK .. let's do a little historical review. Just some lowlights:
Muslims fly commercial airliners into buildings in New York City. No Muslim outrage.
Muslim officials block the exit where school girls are trying to escape a burning building because their faces were exposed. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims cut off the heads of three teenaged girls on their way to school in Indonesia. A Christian school. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims murder teachers trying to teach Muslim children in Iraq. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims murder over 80 tourists with car bombs outside cafes and hotels in Egypt. No Muslim outrage.
A Muslim attacks a missionary children's school in India. Kills six. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims slaughter hundreds of children and teachers in Beslan, Russia. Muslims shoot children in the back. No Muslim outrage.
Let's go way back. Muslims kidnap and kill athletes at the Munich Summer Olympics. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims fire rocket-propelled grenades into schools full of children in Israel. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims murder more than 50 commuters in attacks on London subways and busses.
Over 700 are injured. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims massacre dozens of innocents at a Passover Seder. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims murder innocent vacationers in Bali. No Muslim outrage.
Muslim newspapers publish anti-Semitic cartoons. No Muslim outrage
Muslims are involved, on one side or the other, in almost every one of the 125+ shooting wars around the world. No Muslim outrage.
Muslims beat the charred bodies of Western civilians with their shoes, then hang them from a bridge. No Muslim outrage.
Newspapers in Denmark and Norway publish cartoons depicting
Mohammed. Muslims are outraged.
Dead children. Dead tourists. Dead teachers. Dead doctors and nurses.
Death, destruction and mayhem around the world at the hands of Muslims
... no Muslim outrage ... but publish a cartoon depicting Mohammed with a bomb in his turban and all hell breaks loose.
Come on, is this really about cartoons? They're rampaging and burning flags.
They're looking for Europeans to kidnap. They're threatening
innkeepers and generally raising holy Muslim hell not because of any outrage over a cartoon.
They're outraged because it is part of the Islamic jihadist culture to be outraged.
You don't really need a reason. You just need an excuse. Wandering around, destroying property, murdering children, firing guns into the air and feigning outrage over the slightest perceived insult is to a jihadist what tailgating is to a Steeler's fan.
I know and understand that these bloodthirsty murderers do not represent
the majority of the world's Muslims. When, though, do they become outraged? When do they take to the streets to express their outrage at the radicals who are making their religion the object of worldwide hatred and ridicule? Islamic writer Salman Rushdie wrote of these silent Muslims in a New York Times article three years ago. "As their ancient, deeply civilized culture of love, art and philosophical reflection is hijacked by paranoiacs, racists, liars, male supremacists, tyrants, fanatics and violence junkies, why are they not screaming?"
Indeed. Why not?
oooh dunno what came over me then, I went all serious......
Friday, February 17, 2006
Come 2012.....
..I wont be getting ready to take the podium and sing God Save the Queen.
We headed off to Glenshee today for a spot of snowboarding (the way you do). I say it like it's a regular occurance rather than the second time in my 34 years on this expensive planet.
It was rather good, I have a fair sense of balance, I can rollerblade, I can surf and I can walk in a straight line, I was managing to head down the slope without going ass over tit and I have to say I was feeling rather pleased with myself working my way down the piste and then walking back up because I just cannot work the sodding ski-lift things that go bewteen your legs.........
"Come on, take a photo of me on the way down" I say to the BF
This is the one he took........................
...yeah thanks for that........
We headed off to Glenshee today for a spot of snowboarding (the way you do). I say it like it's a regular occurance rather than the second time in my 34 years on this expensive planet.
It was rather good, I have a fair sense of balance, I can rollerblade, I can surf and I can walk in a straight line, I was managing to head down the slope without going ass over tit and I have to say I was feeling rather pleased with myself working my way down the piste and then walking back up because I just cannot work the sodding ski-lift things that go bewteen your legs.........
"Come on, take a photo of me on the way down" I say to the BF
This is the one he took........................
...yeah thanks for that........
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Have you seen....
...Bareback Mountain or whatever it is called? The new homo-erotic cowboy movie (how many oxymorons?)
Anyway as far as I could tell there was too much cowboy and not enough homo-erotic, my sister agreed the BF did not and kept his head down (tee hee) and played ebay on his own (oh god I've gone all Sid James) on the laptop.
Jarhead...nice...lots of young men running around in the desert with no tops on...hmmm....I think I need to take a moment..........
....thank you......
......and that concludes my Film 2006 movie review
Anyway as far as I could tell there was too much cowboy and not enough homo-erotic, my sister agreed the BF did not and kept his head down (tee hee) and played ebay on his own (oh god I've gone all Sid James) on the laptop.
Jarhead...nice...lots of young men running around in the desert with no tops on...hmmm....I think I need to take a moment..........
....thank you......
......and that concludes my Film 2006 movie review
Saturday, January 28, 2006
No I dont...
....want a 'bigger penis'
..nor do I want to see XXX hot teens in action....even if they are 'barely legal' . Does that mean they only have one tyre on the yellow line?
....and strangely I've never been drawn to 'buff boys get it up to the elbow'......well not very drawn to it anyway......
But still I get these amazing offers in my inbox (no pun intended) everyday.
Where are the offers of "hot pies delivered free to your door" or "bigger overdraft....no charge" or even "save your elbow grease we'll come round and do your hosuework"
I guess it doesn't quite have the same ring to it does it? But it would have me hooked on a lonely Saturday night. hmmmm pies.....
......as the BF's dad says...there's a lot of rubbish on the interweb............
..nor do I want to see XXX hot teens in action....even if they are 'barely legal' . Does that mean they only have one tyre on the yellow line?
....and strangely I've never been drawn to 'buff boys get it up to the elbow'......well not very drawn to it anyway......
But still I get these amazing offers in my inbox (no pun intended) everyday.
Where are the offers of "hot pies delivered free to your door" or "bigger overdraft....no charge" or even "save your elbow grease we'll come round and do your hosuework"
I guess it doesn't quite have the same ring to it does it? But it would have me hooked on a lonely Saturday night. hmmmm pies.....
......as the BF's dad says...there's a lot of rubbish on the interweb............
Friday, January 27, 2006
After Much...
....in depth discussion with the BF. I have come to the conclusion that for me ....................
.........the ultimate
3-some mixed sex session for me would be with Angelina Jolie & Bradd Pitt.........
3-some same sex Johnny Depp & Skeet Ulritch.................
3-some all same sex session Angelina Jolie & her cloned twin..........
the ultimate girl on girl action would be with.......Angeline Jolie.............
hang on I see a pattern here...................
.........the ultimate
3-some mixed sex session for me would be with Angelina Jolie & Bradd Pitt.........
3-some same sex Johnny Depp & Skeet Ulritch.................
3-some all same sex session Angelina Jolie & her cloned twin..........
the ultimate girl on girl action would be with.......Angeline Jolie.............
hang on I see a pattern here...................
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Today I....
...fell over.
It was outside
It was next to a queue of traffic
It was next to road builder guys that are digging holes in the south circular.
It wasn't even a good fall, no arms flailing and giant comic lunges. No.
It was trip, stumble and splat.
I had to take a moment sitting on the church wall, pretending I had hurt myself, until the traffic moved and I could carry on running.
I think I got away with it..................
It was outside
It was next to a queue of traffic
It was next to road builder guys that are digging holes in the south circular.
It wasn't even a good fall, no arms flailing and giant comic lunges. No.
It was trip, stumble and splat.
I had to take a moment sitting on the church wall, pretending I had hurt myself, until the traffic moved and I could carry on running.
I think I got away with it..................
Thursday, January 12, 2006
And now it's Newsnight with Jeremy Paxton........
George Galloway...name dropping, homo kissing, bathrobe wearing patronising smug fucker
Pete Burns.....wig wearing, gorilla killing, shoe gluing guppy face....seriously Simon Weston doesn't look as bad as he does
Denis Rodman.......dur...dur....dur "wanna fuck a black man"....dur...dur...dur..."London people are assholes" Oh. Really? No we are just assholes to twats
Michael 'tell me they still love me dahling' Barrymore....you winging, finger pointing (at least he wasn't fisting this time) foot shuffling cry baby bunting. Maybe you should have gone for a swim in your pool instead...............
Rula Lenska.......spineless
Black Baywatch woman......."I'm gonna move to London"..."we should all try to get along"....earth calling......
Chantelle....never thought I'd say it but this blonde 20 something from Essex is about one of the sanest in there.....
White Man with glasses...... WHO ARE YOU?
Jodie Marsh......I actually hope she wins....seriously, unless I have missed something that the rest of the world has seen, everytime I switch on all I see is a bunch of old men pointing their fingers and shouting at her. What is that all about?
And that concludes my analysis of the current politcal climate.
Pete Burns.....wig wearing, gorilla killing, shoe gluing guppy face....seriously Simon Weston doesn't look as bad as he does
Denis Rodman.......dur...dur....dur "wanna fuck a black man"....dur...dur...dur..."London people are assholes" Oh. Really? No we are just assholes to twats
Michael 'tell me they still love me dahling' Barrymore....you winging, finger pointing (at least he wasn't fisting this time) foot shuffling cry baby bunting. Maybe you should have gone for a swim in your pool instead...............
Rula Lenska.......spineless
Black Baywatch woman......."I'm gonna move to London"..."we should all try to get along"....earth calling......
Chantelle....never thought I'd say it but this blonde 20 something from Essex is about one of the sanest in there.....
White Man with glasses...... WHO ARE YOU?
Jodie Marsh......I actually hope she wins....seriously, unless I have missed something that the rest of the world has seen, everytime I switch on all I see is a bunch of old men pointing their fingers and shouting at her. What is that all about?
And that concludes my analysis of the current politcal climate.
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