God's Waiting Room

Saturday morning bastard hangover......

8am
"Quick wake up!! There are some men in the garden" - we know we warned you last night they were coming to do some work and asked that you didn't wake us

8.30am
"Is my new duvet in the back of the car?" - Of course you just handed it to me

8.35am
"Have you seen my walking stick?" - it's probably where we hid it because you really dont need it

8.40am
"How long do you think it will take?" - an hour and a half like it always done and always will do

8.41am
"Are you taking the M3 then the M25?" - yes because that is the way we always go

8.45am
"Can I have a cup of tea before we leave?" - am I really likely to say no?

8.46am
"Do you want a cup of tea?" - No, because I have never drunk tea in my life and have no desire to start today

8.47am
"Are you really only having a cigarette for your breakfast?" - Yes, it's part of my balanced diet along with beer and steak

8.50am
"Do you think you'll get back in time to meet your builders?" - yes because I intend to drive at a steady 90mph

8.55am
"I wonder what state my place will be in" - exactly the same as when you left it three weeks ago because you live on your own


9am
"Clare can you help me do my seatbelt up?" - I can but I am not Clare that's the other granddaughter - she's white

9.01am
"I love a good natter" - I know that's why I have turned up Radio 4 for the journey.


I love my grandmother, she can actually be a complete hoot. As my cousin had performed the annual "granny comes to stay" it was only fair that I did the driving her back down to the glorious St Leonards-on-Sea? St Leonards-By-the-Sea? Fog-on-the-tyne?

Let's just call it God's waiting room.

Apart from anything else when she goes I want first dibbs on the elasticated waist beige slacks and the electric wheelchair.