Cilla is here...

...to celebrate the fact that two of my mates (introduced to each other by Me) are getting married next Saturday I have decided to see if I cant do a little more matchmaking.

Please apply to date on of my lovely bitches.....Ooops...sorry I mean little minxes via email...

On the right we have the lovely Arabella.

Stats are 48dd -45-52

She describes herself as 'homely' and 'quite shy'. She is looking for someone to spend weekends 'fell walking' and curling with. Her hobbies include 'homecrafts' I think she has put her crafts to good use with this modest little number dont you boys?

Next we have Elizabeth. She describes herself as 'fertile' and prone to binges on guerkins.

Ha ha ha...we can also see she has a wonderful sense of humour.

Her stats are 28-38-28

Elizabeth enjoys the finer things in life like 'wimpy' and shopping for deli treats at Aldi or Lidl

So what are you lonely hearts out there waiting for...get in touch and maybe I'll be making more rip roaring speeches at your wedding. As Cilla says "I've got me 'at"

Fuck......I need to get out more........

Rosa Parks...

....died this week. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/10/25/national/25parks.html?ex=1145851200&en=4b6bd4603f35dfef&ei=5087&excamp=GGGNrosaparks

I'm sure loads of you will be saying "Who?"

The thing is I thought she'd died years ago....and that makes me feel crap. Why?

I've never been one for great political /moral/religious beliefs.....I quite enjoy the fact that I'm just too lazy to be a fundamentalist.......or an activist. Oh sure I joined all the clubs when I was at Uni.....I even signed up for the black panthers once at a festival.....but I only ever joined anything to meet guys. No really I am that shallow.


Would I have done what Rosa did? Doubt it.

There is always this fine line with racism.....I am half caste/mixed race/bi-racial and it's only with black people that I have had to justify my 'blackness'.....and that pisses me off. Newsflash I grew up listening to Mozart as well as Marley....I'm never questioned about my 'whiteness' by white people. Although the 70's were a blast for unsolicited 'wog' jibes.

It's now ok for black stand comedians to make jokes about white people and yet if a white person makes a black joke they're a Nazi......er.....no.......either everyone can do it (which is so much funnier) or nobody can....



....except me....cause I'm both.......


So there was an Englishman, a Jamaican man and a..............

Our top story

Something keeps on beeping in my flat. I don't know what nor where it is. It has happened three times this morning.

Our other news.......

I found a ladybird in my bath last night. There I was halfway through shaving my leg and it was there bold as brass. Well as bold as a dead ladybird can be.

And finally......

It's national bulb planting day (in my house). Yes those daffodil bulbs that have been sat on top of the tumble dryer for the last 6 weeks will today be re-housed in 'window boxes' They will be replacing the (long) dead summer arrangements that now look like crud.

Thank you for your time. And now it's over to you with the weather where you are........

I hate shopping...

.....with a passion. I'm just not that type of girl.

My idea of hell is spending an entire Saturday or Sunday stomping round Buchanan galleries or the Whitgift centre (i spend my life flitting between south London and Glasgow). Gads! How is that fun? Eh?

My sister has five.....count em...five wardrobes full of stuff....hand bags...shoes....stuff.....just stuff...in a fucking dressing room......who the fuck has a dressing room? Like I said I'm not that sort of girl.

I would rather be sat in a pub watching the F1 qualifying. Yes I love F1. A lot. I love fast cars and big bikes.............a lot.


But today I had to go to the shops.....Croydon (Crud-den) not only that I had to go to 'Poundland'. (getting stuff for the Son for Halloween) I deserve a fucking medal.

Christ-on-a-fucking-bike. It was shite. I've never seen so much gold jewelery, nor seen so many scabs on kids, ever. I actually heard a mom calling out "Wayne" to her little market track suit attired, cubic zirconia earring wearing, lambert and butler smoking, asbo awarded offspring.

As I queued up to pay (cash only) I read the list of 'safety recalled' products......all electrical items.


Why bother?

Darwin was right

Babycham

Am I missing out? Can you still get it? Is is good? Perhaps I should have stuck to that last night. Or maybe ordered sherry instead of the 200 bottles of asbo I managed to consume

I wonder why my neck aches; I do remember dancing to ‘boogie wonderland’ (I had requested it – the wife beater had kicked in)

I wonder if the cab driver (62 years old Jamaican who looked very good for his age – I guess they’re right black don’t crack) found his way home having been left with me as the final drop off person

I wonder how many comments I left on random peoples blog’s at 3.30 this morning

I wonder if any of them made sense

I wonder when I will stop feeling so very ill

I wonder if I’ve got avian flu

I wonder if my toast is done

I’m off to bed now at 9.30 on a Saturday night

I wonder why I am so rock and roll

……and delusional

Palatial Home...

.....like the ones you see in 'Hello' or 'Ok', you know C-list girl (mattress - see: model actress) get's engaged to Z-list boy ('professional footballer for Penge United) and here they are relaxing in their palatial home.

Well my flat is not a bit like that. It is a total renovation job, from roof to split & suspiciously stained floorboards. It does have original sash windows - ooh lovely - the glass is held in by a combination of 100 year old paint and prayer, the putty gave up the ghost long ago.

My kitchen consist of a row of white good and some mdf shelves I put into the alcove. No cupboards, no worksurface.

The bathroom.......oh god lets not even go there.

I have painted most of it white for that minimal, sleek, contemporary look. Yeah nice try.

The sitting room now has trainer foot prints about six feet up the wall where I was trying to teach the Son how to do handstands last night, it was either that or play Top Trumps and I wasn't in the mood.

Why am I tell you this? God knows. I want my home to be palatial, and welcoming and relaxing. Instead the garden is full of my eBay buys (bath, Belfast sink, interior doors) all waiting for installation, and everywhere I look all I can see is money to be spent. Money that I don't have.

Who are these people that go on programmes like Location Location & Grand Designs?

"Yes we only have a budget of £450,000, but could go up to £500k if we fell in love with something" Piss off. Five grand and my flat would be done!

I wonder what a kidney is worth on the black market these days?

It is clear...

...that whilst I slept last night someone drugged me then proceeded to beat the living shit out of me using a space-age tool that leaves no bruising on the outside of my body and Class A devistation internally. An octogenerian / three toe sloth hybrid could make faster progress than me when attempting to perform even the most basic daily tasks.

Tonight I shall sleep with one eye open.......

Later That Day

.....I did it....I did it.....I did it.

It was fan-fucking-tastic....a sea of red nike t-shirts standing around Victoria Park at 10 o'clock on a Sunday morning....me munching on a bacon roll 45 minutes before the start......me then dragging as hard as I could on a marlboro light as they called us into the 'Athletes Village' for our warm up. (I didn't finish the fag though, come on what do you take me for)

Sir Seb Coe came down to 'blow the horn' that started us all.

And before you knew it we were off.

I ran the first 2k non stop then walked 250 metres then ran the next 5k (non-stop!!!!) then walked 750 metres between 7k and 8k, then ran all the way to the finish line. Metallica 'hanger 18' got me through the last 1k as fast as my aching legs/ankles/knees/thighs etc etc would carry me.

Whats that you say? My time?


1 hour 12 minutes and 31 seconds!!!!

I'm so happy I'm so happy...I'm still wearing my medal....off to have another bath now......then over to Papa's for his birthday....then back to the airport to drop BF off.......Oh my international jet set life.

Fee diddle de dee an athletes life for me......

It's 07.52

....on Sunday October 16th.

Today is the day.

I have, in fact, been awake since ten to 7 this morning. Those who know me know that I do have a tendancy to wake up early and annoy the crap out of eveyone anyway.

I'm nervous. The 10k starts at 11.30 am this morning.

I've had my healthy breakfast, beans on toast. I made it myself because although the BF had said he would make it when I asked if I was still getting breakfast this morning he said "yes" then rolled over and went back to sleep. Thanks for that.

He is after all one of those who will do anything for anyone as long as it's on his terms and not the terms that they may need or want. One of his great sayings is "when people ask me to do something, they can tell me when to do it or how to do it but not both"

Go figure.

I'm off to get in the bath..............wish me luck...with the run not the bath.

Glowing.....

.....like a pig.

Just got back from my morning run....and yes the glow is pissing out of me........today I ran faster and harder than I have before. I am shagged.

It's fairly hilly where I live to every run starts with an up-hill, down-hill, up-hill, down-hill before I can get to a flat bit.

Today I took on my nemisis....Blythe Hill....the hill I have been avoiding for the last 8 weeks........not today.....Oh no....today I thought....you are mine....I was in the zone. "Push your self woman, come on push" With my killer determination I decided to "just run to the cross roads"(about half way - look, in my world half way is good ok?)......I passed the cross roadswithout passing out so I thought well I'll just run to the skip at the top of the hill.

I should point out that in London we have our own measurements as follows. From one skip to another is approx 100 yards, the 50 yard mark is a fridge outside someone's gate and the 25 yard mark is a mattress.

Anyway I took on the hill and won, granted I ran like an octogenarian before her hip replacement but the fact remains Blyth Hill is my bitch.....

Cue "Eye of the Tiger"........

Why is it...

...that the numbers on a phone pad go from top to bottom and on a calculator or keyboard they go from bottom to top?

No, I really want to know. This is not me trying to be funny..........................



this is.......................

Bush is sitting in the oval office with some of his advisors, a minion enters the room

"Mr President, I'm affraid we have lost 2 Brazilion soldiers"

Bush slumps in his seat and puts his head in his hands saying "No no no no"

Everyone in the room is disturbed to say the least at the Presidents apparent over reaction to this news.

Bush looks up and says

"How many is a brazillion again?"


Made me laugh........

Panic begins.....

...Oh god the panic has set in for this sunday...the 10k that seemed such a good idea 8 weeks ago.

I had a very weird experience on last Saturday's practive run around Clapham Common...as usual I was the last one coming in from my group and one of the 'coaches' came back to get me through the last 100 metres.

A little Japanese woman about 5foot tall looked about 22 or 23 years old. She came running towards me smiling her little head off looking all 'hello kitty'......

The she suddenly turns all Godzilla on me and starts screaming

"GET THOSE LEGS UP, COME ON UP UP UP..."

I nearly fell over, what the fuck? Oh but there was more...

"PUMP THOSE ARMS, YOU'RE NOT PUMPING THEM!! PUMP THEM FASTER FASTER FASTER..."

I lifted 'those' legs up and pumped 'those' arms as fast as I could not so much running as fast as I could more trying to run the fuck away from her. She scared the living shit out of me and that's not easy (unless you are a spider, monster or wherewolf)

I crossed the finish line and there she was grinning away at me like butter wouldn't melt. I, on the other hand, started reching as it appeared one of the Alien babies was trying to make a hasty exit from my stomach.


Maybe I imaginied it, maybe that was my inner voice pushing me to the limit.....



.......nah! it was definitely a schizo, psycho Japanese lady.

What's happened to My blog?

Why has all the stuff slipped down on the right hand side?

Who did this?

Where are they?

Why are the link's at the very bottom of the page?????

Huh? Huh?

Come on answer me!!!

Update.....

I just got a call from the council.....they fired one of the binmen (shouty one) as he showed no remorse.

The others have said they are sorry, wise move. At least their kids wont be getting string and pebbles for Christmas

I have said that they may come around next wednesday and say sorry in person. Council man said ok then.

Yeah.......