Think of A Swear Word…..

…..now double it. Add 100, then times it by infinity and you know what?


You are still no closer to the amount of swear words I have said today.

“Got your school bag?”

“Yep”

“Right into the car”

CRUNCH! – That’s was the sound of three of my fingers getting crushed in the front door.

Now go back to the swear word sum at the start of the post, but to complete the image picture grown woman hoping around front garden kicking dustbins over clutching her hand with blood spraying all over the fence

“What have you done mum?”

Mother provides child with death stare, mother drives child to school with blood dripping all over gear stick and steering wheel. Mother returns home, get’s out of car, locks car, goes to front door, realises she has left front door key on the kitchen work surface and is now locked out. Bins receive another good kicking.



Go back to the swearing sum at the start of the post

Better Than Sheep So I'm Told...............

It was a beautiful day, I decided to do some revision in my badk garden (see - sunbathing with a book and a beer). Phone rings


"What are you doing?"

"I'm laying in my garden. Why?"

"We're filming in Soho could you come up and be interviewd by a Maradona puppet?"

"You on drugs?"

"No! It's for the website. How quickly can you get here?"

I looked down at my golden body lazing in the sunshine bronzed to perfection..........sorry no I looked around at the green peace rescue mission and thought bugger it.

"Give me half and hour, I'll have to cycle"

And cycle I did all the way.......................to the the station (1/4 of a mile...ahem) got off at London Bridge, got into trouble for not having a train ticket, then I cycled in a style that Lance Armstrong would have been proud of. I nipped over the Thames, I raced along Embankment, I darted up the The Strand I weaved in and out of the pedestrians on Charing Cross Road and I arrived in Soho a little 'glowy' for my liking but nevertheless I was there.

"If you could just sit here please Me, we're ready to shoot"

It was fun, the crew were lovely, the director was lovely, there was free beer, I had great fun. The interview went well. Really well. Right up until the point when I said

"No I've never shagged an alpaca. Maybe I will....."