I'm so sorry. What happened was....

...I was all ready to blog again, on time like I always do, and then, right, I couldn't find my mobile, I'd left it in my other handbag and I forgot when I changed all my stuff over.


...then I got to the station and someone had chucked themselves on the line at East Croydon. So I had to wait for ages at the station.....

...and then....then....the-e-e-e-n......

I'm sorry. I tried to call you but I'd run out of credit.

I'm really sorry. I'll make it up to you yeah? We could go out to that new place you were talking about.

Come on.

Give me a little smile.

It's not big and it's not clever

I dont like this whole being single thing.....it's so not working for me.

Well it's not the actual being single bit, weirdly I've been asked for my number more times in the last few weeks, maybe I smell of 'eau de single', maybe the sun has gone to their heads, maybe it's because I'm a Londoner.......

I dunno, you go out you meet people, they are sexy as hell and yet......................and yet they are not 'that' person, the one you had so many 'in jokes' with, the one that prompted you to write love letters and poems too, the one you made plans with, the one you said you'd love forever....and they said the same.

So what happens now? You try to get on with things, and most of the time things go well....but.....but you still feel like you are in some kind of limbo, like it's not real and it will all sort itself out in the end.

Which I guess it will..........

To Do List…..

I find the number one best way to ensure you get the maximum use of your time is to make lists and plans…Oh hang on….the two most effective ways of utilizing your time it to make lists, plans and strategies…Oh for fuck sake…..


Look just make a list on the back of the envelope, and work your way through it…



So the list for today as follows

Run – Check
..although I cut it short as I was too hot….

Update running log on Fetcheveryone.com – Check
……and had a quick look to see how well or not I was clawing my way up the league…..……I’m kind of in the Newport Pagnell under 11’s 5-a-sides position.

Don’t go into Talk section of ‘Fetch’ though as you’ll never come out – Pending
….yeah, I never quite manage this bit. It was a part of the website that was designed (I think) to exchange info and training tips. I always think I’ll maybe have a quick look just to see if there are any training tips I could pick up…..and find myself two hours later still there and talking about what my score was on the ‘flying helicopter’ game

Call ex-husband re:8 months of missing child support – Pending
……still trying to get the words together that don’t include DIE DIE DIE…….

Clean and tidy kitchen – Check.
….. it’s been said before and it’ll be said again I’m a bit of a Martha Stewart (before the IRS stuff)…er….ok ..Fine! It hasn’t actually been said before most people look at my kitchen, give a nervous giggle and say “hmm, yes, it does need rather a lot of work done on it doesn’t it?”…

Send mates reference off – Pending
….Dear Sir’s why yes Mr X would be perfect for your job, it’s his every dream, he thinks your company is the leader in its field. Him applying to work for you has nothing whatsoever to do with that fact he knows the object of his recent stalking will be working in the same department……

Spend 1 x hour on job-hunt – Pending
…yeah, getting a bit sick of this to tell you the truth. Sick of talking to 4 year old recruitment consultants with whiney voices who tell you you’re over qualified or not quite qualified enough…….

Spend 1x hour working on the garden – Pending
…..I took one look out of the window and thought fuck that for a game of soldiers. Which is, in fact, the same response I’ve had every time I’ve thought about venturing out. My garden is a homage to Jurassic Park, complete with huge flat leaved plants and wild animals roaming around it. There are all these strange rustling noises during the night I think it serves as the ‘precinct’ or it’s the local teenage fox equivalent ‘outside McDonalds’…..

Compose email to now-ex-partner – Pending
…hmm a toughie this. I have spent more time on this than is really necessary today. It has sucked all of the life force out of me (not unlike the relationship did). The last couple of emails from said ex-partner where all pretty vicious and full of blame (all towards me naturally)….and I find myself thinking “Is it really worth it?” “Shall I just remember all the good times, when ex-partner had his health and self respect and was a lot nicer”

Do I point out that in his last spiteful and abusive email he says it’s karma’s fault I cant get a job then 24 hours later he get’s rejected from his first choice Uni? Or does that make me spiteful too? So many many things to cover…or not to cover….so many decisions……


Oooh, hang on…yes, it looks as though it’s cooled down outside maybe I should just nip out and do some work on the garden instead…..

How do you know

…when a relationship has ended?


It’s easier to spot when you are younger, you know Colin Johnson no longer plays with you in the sandpit; Lilly Peak is now the object of his 3 year old affection and get’s to share his worm collection. Or during Geography Jason Smith in 5c passes a note to Gummy, who passes a note to Tommo, who passes a note to Stacey Hardy to say you’re dumped……


In adulthood you can have The Screaming Match “I hate you!!”, The Talk “Look it’s not you it’s me”, The Adulterer “This isn’t what it looks like”, The Moonlight Flit “The coast is clear, back up the removals van”…….and then there’s, well there’s the I don’t know what you’d call it.


Does it have a title? Perhaps The Superiority Break-up? When Person 1 (let’s call them P1) takes umbrage at everything the other says (P2). P1 then goes into a sulk ignoring P2 for weeks on end will not answer phone, ignores P2’s emails and generally behaves a bullying child. P1 will only begin to resume relations if P2 takes all the blame, P1 will never initiate contact unless coaxed round in the style of trying to get a toddler to take their medicine……


So what do you do? How much should P2 take? How much would anybody take? Does P2 live in hope that P1 will revert back to their normal loving funny caring persona before P1’s illness? Or does P2 cut their losses, deal with the pain and move on?



I’m off to find a sandpit…………….

Think of A Swear Word…..

…..now double it. Add 100, then times it by infinity and you know what?


You are still no closer to the amount of swear words I have said today.

“Got your school bag?”

“Yep”

“Right into the car”

CRUNCH! – That’s was the sound of three of my fingers getting crushed in the front door.

Now go back to the swear word sum at the start of the post, but to complete the image picture grown woman hoping around front garden kicking dustbins over clutching her hand with blood spraying all over the fence

“What have you done mum?”

Mother provides child with death stare, mother drives child to school with blood dripping all over gear stick and steering wheel. Mother returns home, get’s out of car, locks car, goes to front door, realises she has left front door key on the kitchen work surface and is now locked out. Bins receive another good kicking.



Go back to the swearing sum at the start of the post

Better Than Sheep So I'm Told...............

It was a beautiful day, I decided to do some revision in my badk garden (see - sunbathing with a book and a beer). Phone rings


"What are you doing?"

"I'm laying in my garden. Why?"

"We're filming in Soho could you come up and be interviewd by a Maradona puppet?"

"You on drugs?"

"No! It's for the website. How quickly can you get here?"

I looked down at my golden body lazing in the sunshine bronzed to perfection..........sorry no I looked around at the green peace rescue mission and thought bugger it.

"Give me half and hour, I'll have to cycle"

And cycle I did all the way.......................to the the station (1/4 of a mile...ahem) got off at London Bridge, got into trouble for not having a train ticket, then I cycled in a style that Lance Armstrong would have been proud of. I nipped over the Thames, I raced along Embankment, I darted up the The Strand I weaved in and out of the pedestrians on Charing Cross Road and I arrived in Soho a little 'glowy' for my liking but nevertheless I was there.

"If you could just sit here please Me, we're ready to shoot"

It was fun, the crew were lovely, the director was lovely, there was free beer, I had great fun. The interview went well. Really well. Right up until the point when I said

"No I've never shagged an alpaca. Maybe I will....."

Sunday morning is the new Friday night

So what started out last August as a simple and curious ‘I wonder if I can run a 10k’ has, like most progressive illnesses gradually become a much larger part of my life.

I just wanted to see if, you know, I could do it. I had a take it or leave it attitude to it; it was just a bit of fun, it’s not like I was hurting anybody was I? So I finished my first 10k in the October of 2005, came home on a high, wore my medal for days on end, refused to reset my stopwatch as it had my first time on it, blogged every last detail, began every sentence with “when I ran a 10k….”

You get the idea right?

But there was more to come as I discovered the interweb had all these sites dedicated to running, pictures of runners running, forums where you could talk to other runners AND, more importantly, some of these sites listed times and locations of where you could meet up with other runners in person – ‘races’ if you will. No real names where used; people went by names such as ‘Marathon Man’ and ‘Blisters’.

All you needed was a credit card and details of the ‘race’ would be given to you along with a number. I thought I’d try a 5k, then another, then another, then another 10k. At this stage I was only on one a month. You see? Take it or leave it that was my attitude. Like I said, it’s progressive. Then one day on one of the forums, someone asked me if I wanted to meet up with some of them before the ‘race’. What harm could it do? We met up, we ran, we hung out afterwards.

There was a half marathon coming up, was I going to run it? One of them asked, whilst the others looked on expectantly. Am I ready for that? Yeah, why not. No harm in trying things once right? That was 6 weeks ago, I’ve done two since then plus another 10k yesterday.


Since August 2005, when I first came across the details for that first race, I’ve been fitted for proper running trainers, I’ve become the proud owner of a Garmin 301, I’ve learnt to pepper my conversation with things like PB’s, carb loading, half, full and ultra,

….I’ve discovered many uses for Vaseline, I’ve chaffed in bizarre places when I’ve forgotten to use said Vaseline, I picked up clothing from the bedroom floor sniffed it and thought “yeah that’ll do to run in”, gel to me is something with the consistency of snot that will help me run, not something for hair….


……..I chosen to sit in a bath filled only with cold water whilst nearly crying, I’ve seen hill’s and thought “I can take that” I’ve chosen to spend more Sunday morning’s than not over the last few months standing at the crack of dawn shivering with hundreds of other people waiting for someone to sound a fog-horn so I can run around a pre-determined route….that’s 5x5k’s 3x10k’s and two half marathons. For fun.

My name is Me and I’m a regular recreational runner……

Body like a temple....

....no not a temple of doom, actually.

As I sit here on this sunday afternoon, legs burning, covered in....er.....'glow' I can reflect on the fact that having been up since 6am this morning, and having driven an 85 mile round trip I also managed to pop in a little half marathon.


Yes today I completely my first half

2 hours

38 minutes

13.1 miles

It was fantastic.


To the people of Reading I say thank you, thanks for all the great cheers, thank you to the vaseline women (you dont want to know), thank you to the people outside their house playing 'eye of the tiger' at mile 9, thank you to the toddlers banging wooden spoons on saucepans, thank you to the guy that offered me his beer at mile 10 ( i didn't take it god know I wanted to) and finally thank you to the two women at the start who came up to me and said "which way are we running".

For the record the elite runners (those who finish in silly times like 1 hour 10 etc) start at the front and there are markers along the starting line for your expected finish time. I started at the back (the 2hour plus people) along with all the other mums, grey hairs and fatties...so for those two women to ask which way the race was running.......

...on the plus side at least I didn't get beaten by a one legged man like I did for my last race.


Like I said, my body is a temple.